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What is dating violence?

Dating violence is controlling, aggressive, and/or abusive behaviour in a romantic relationship. This includes verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, stalking, or a combination of these. Dating violence can happen in person, online or via text, and can occur in mixed or same gender relationships.

Mana me te Mana - Power and Control

An unhealthy or abusive relationship involves one person having all the power and control. When this happens, the relationship can start to feel really unfair, unequal and unsafe. 

While abusive behaviours that are physical and sexual in nature (e.g. hitting, throwing or smashing things, restraining a person, rape) might be more obvious, there are lots of different ways dating violence can show up. Some are more subtle and over time have negative mental and emotional impacts.

Click through the kāri takahuri (flip cards) below to find out more about these subtle abusive behaviours that are never okay in any relationship.

To note – These are just some examples of abusive behaviours. If there are other things happening in your relationship that make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, then it’s important to take note of how you’re feeling and seek support.

We should never excuse abusive behaviour, even if we care about the other person or they say they care about us. Being violent, possessive, manipulative or angry is not a way of showing manaaki (care), aroha (love), or whakaute (respect).

Dating violence can happen in lots of different relationships. Click the link below to learn about how dating violence can show up in rainbow relationships:

Check out the pages below to find out more about dating violence and how it might manifest itself in a relationship:

Is your relationship healthy?
Sexual harm
Arousal is NOT consent
Related topics
Have you been harmed?
Is someone you care about unsafe?