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Love and lust

Is it love? Is it lust? Is it both?

Aroha (Love) and lust are two different concepts that influence how we feel in romantic relationships. While one is no better than the other, knowing the differences between love and lust can help you to figure out how you’re feeling and whether or not you might feel romantic love for another person.






Aroha (Love) involves a deep emotional connection with another person and usually a desire to make a romantic relationship last. Love is about seeking stability and becoming great friends with the people we’re in relationships with. Love involves accepting our partners for who they truly are, rather than holding on to ideas we once had of them.

Lust on the other hand, is an overwhelming physical and/or sexual attraction to another person. Lust feels intense and exciting, and is all about thrill-seeking. It can only really be sustained by physical intimacy and pleasure, and is often based on imagination and fantasy - we have an idea in our heads of what the other person is like, and this idea is what we are attracted to.

You may find that you feel lust for someone when you first meet them, however over time this develops into love once you’ve had time to recognise the qualities that make the other person a compatible partner. That’s not to say that lust just goes away though. It’s possible to love someone and still feel lust for them at the same time.

Or perhaps you will only ever feel lust for a person. Lust doesn’t have to develop into love. As long as you and the person you’re in a relationship with are on the same page when it comes to feelings and expectations, then it’s all good.

Want to know more about how romantic relationships can change over time? Check this out:

The five stages of a romantic relationship