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Talking with your partners

What turns your partner/s on and makes them feel good? How can you find out? 

What do you like, and not like? How can you let your partner/s know?

There is so much information out there telling people how to be great at sex, but really what it comes down to is communicating with your partners and finding out what sex means to each other, and how it fits in to your relationship.

Great sex is about pleasure and respect.


Safer Sex

Talk about how you will manage safer sex together. This means talking about what contraception you and your partner/s will use to prevent unplanned pregnancy, and how you will both project yourselves from sexually transmissible infections (STIs). Have you both had STI checks recently? It’s important to talk about these things so that you can both enjoy all the great stuff about sex without the worry.

You could ask questions like these: 

  • When was the last time you had an STI check? 
  • Do you have condoms? 
  • Are you on birth control? 

You could ask questions like these:

  • How do you like to be touched?
  • Where do you like to be touched?
  • What turns you on the most?
  • What are you in the mood for?
  • Would you like it if we…?
  • I would like to….. . Would you be up for that?
  • Are you okay if we….?

It’s a good idea to talk with your partner/s about the following:

Talk about what sex means to you and what it means to your partner/s. Sex doesn’t just have to mean penis-in-vagina sex, or something to do with genitals. There are lots of different ways to be sexual. Sex can be anything that makes you horny or aroused.

Talk with your partner/s about sexual boundaries too - what you both enjoy doing sexually, what you’re comfortable exploring, and what you’re not okay with.


The te reo Māori phrases below are taken from Re: News. (2022). "Hot ways to ask for consent in te reo Māori." 

Kōrero Māori about Sex

To find out more about safer sex, and how to talk about it, check these out:

How to have safer sex?
How do I talk to my partner/s about safer sex?